


it's only a play

by celaenos



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Beaujester Week, F/F, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Found Family, Mutual Pining, post ep 51
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-17
Updated: 2019-08-11
Packaged: 2019-10-30 00:58:43
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 16,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17818784
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/celaenos/pseuds/celaenos
Summary: Jester presses her forehead against Beau’s, her face serious. “We can’t secretly fall in love with each other, okay?”(Or, Jester and Beau, fake dating and definitely secretly falling in love).





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> look man, i got a problem and now it's also your problem i guess. 
> 
> (i'm in my last [hopefully] semester of college this year and challenging myself to write more and not feel guilty about not updating consistently. i'm excited about this story, i think it will be a hell of a lot of fun, but i'm not promising consistent weekly updates. i will however, do my best) 
> 
> enjoy!

Beau isn’t the one who finds the wizard, but she is the one who punches him in the face.

Jester finds him. Jester chats with him happily in the crowded pub, disguised as the rest of them go shopping and grab supplies and plan on heading back to meet her mother in an hour. Beau was two seconds away from downing some booze and forgetting about her fight with Caleb when Jester calls out her name from across the tavern.

“THAT’S HER!” Jester yells, pointing happily. Beau ducks down. Even though, of any of them, it’s _Jester_ who needs to be keeping the lowest profile in Nicodranas. Jester waves Beau over, still talking animatedly with the elf beside her. Beau grabs her drink and walks over, slow, because she’s never been able to say no to Jester, yet.

“Hey,” she grunts.

“Alphonso, this is Beau!” Jester says, cheerfully introducing the two of them.

“Sup?” Beau says, dropping down into the seat that Jester is tugging her towards.

“It’s nice to meet you,” he says, a soft, airy timber to his voice as he looks Beau up and down curiously. She shifts underneath his gaze, uncomfortable. Jester slings her arm around Beau and while it’s not something that she usually does, it’s not _that_ unsurprising, and Beau doesn’t react other than sort of shifting herself to lean a bit closer. It feels nice. Jester is still grinning and talking a mile a minute and Beau sips at her drink and only half listens, still sort of miserable and unwilling to admit it any further at the moment.

“50 gold every two weeks,” the elf says and Beau snaps her attention back to their conversation.

“Say what now?” she asks. Jester starts rubbing at her arm and Beau looks down at it then back up to Jester’s face. “50 gold for what?”

“My study,” Alphonso says, rather dramatically.

Beau’s eyes narrow. “Your study of _what?”_

“Us!” Jester cheers.

“What?”

“And other people.” Jester turns to him. “Right?”

“Correct,” he agrees, nodding his head towards them both. He looks some combination of overeager and insanely bored and Beau is confused by it all and sort of wants to punch him in the face and be done with it. 

“I’m sorry,” Beau shakes her head, looking over at Jester. “I’m still confused.”

Jester tightens her grip and knocks her head down onto Beau’s shoulder, smiling up at her forcefully and winking. “Of our love,” she says, pointed and only a bit exaggerated. “Alphonso is doing a study of love. _And we get 50 gold a week,_ ” she adds, even more emphatically.

“Every two weeks,” Alphonso corrects.

“Right, well that’s negotiable,” Jester shrugs.

“It’s not.”

“Well, every two weeks then!” Jester cheers. “That’s still great!”

“What the fuck are we talking about?” Beau asks, harsh only because she’s confused. Jester doesn’t even bat an eye at her tone. Her grip softens but she doesn’t untangle herself from Beau’s side.

“Alphonso is doing a study about relationships! And he’s _paying_ its participants, so I signed us up!”

“Um…” Beau catches Jester’s eye. “I don’t… think we’re staying in Nicodranas for much longer, though,” she says, instead of: _what the actual fuck are you talking about?_

“He knows a bunch of traveling spells!” Jester says, excited. “He can pop in and study us whenever he needs!”

“Um, no,” Beau says, forceful.

“I will not encroach on your privacy,” Alphonso promises. “A few questions and observations every so often over a length of time and you will receive compensation.”

“I—”

“You may go anywhere in the world that you wish. The study will likely last a few months, at the most. I do not anticipate observing the subjects for any more than a full year unless circumstances change dramatically. One couple that I was working with recently broke things off, and I find myself in need of another to replace them.”

“Us!” Jester cheers.

“Us,” Beau repeats, turning and narrowing her eyes at Jester. “Us, the couple. Who are dating. And, in love.”

“Yep,” Jester says, popping the ‘p’ and knocking her head into Beau’s shoulder again, eyebrows wiggling teasingly. “Me and you.”

Beau turns and looks over at Alphonso. “So, if you’re going to be just popping in on us whenever you want, we should probably make it 100 gold.”

Jester squirms excitedly beside her. Alphonso’s lips dip down into a momentary frown, pinched, and he sighs. “We can discuss changing the parameters of the arrangement in a few weeks. I need to know if the two of you will end up being a good fit for my research, first.”

“Oh, we will,” Jester declares. “Right, Beau?”

“Sure,” she says, staring over at Jester, just a tinge wary. “Fabulous.”

…

…

“What the _hell_ Jester?” Beau asks, once they’ve given Alphonso more details and bid him goodnight. Beau walks down the street with Jester beside her, chattering away and promising that this will be _fun_ and also _the Traveler will love it,_ and _we’ll get money!_ Beau rolls her eyes and listens but does not share Jester’s enthusiasm. She has felt a little weird around Jester since their conversation on the Balleater a few days ago. Beau can’t say that she hadn’t been planning on being that emotional or vulnerable with Jester because she _had,_ but she hadn’t gone there planning on doing it that overtly.

_I love you too, Beau._

Fuck. Beau hisses out a breath and follows Jester into her childhood home. She looks like a human girl with black hair right now, her skin a few shades darker than Beau’s. They mentioned her being in disguise for personal reasons, so whenever Alphonso shows up next, he won't assume that Beau is cheating on Jester with a tiefling. Marion’s assistant waves them inside the private quarters and Beau follows a skipping Jester down the hall. She hollers out for Nugget and the dog _Blinks_ right in front of them, slamming both women down to the ground and covering them with slobber. Beau yells out in disgust at the same time as Jester cheers happily.

“Oh!” Jester says, excited. “We should tell Alphonso that we already have a dog together. That will help him think that we’re in love too!”

“Um…” Beau sort of forgot that they both got the dog together, technically. Sprinkle was Jester’s and Professor Thaddeus was hers and Nugget was _theirs._ Technically. “About that,” Beau hedges. “Do you really think that pretending to be in a romantic relationship for some stupid wizard’s study is such a good idea?”

“Sure,” Jester shrugs, pushing Nugget away and hauling Beau up off of the floor with her. “Why not?”

“Well… because we’re… not… in one,” Beau stammers. Gracefully. Eloquently. She nails it.

“Well sure,” Jester shrugs. “But, we’re best friends! And roommates! And we love each other!” she declares, turning back around and beaming at Beau with the last declaration. In the same way that she has every time that she has brought this up since Beau said those words out loud to her. It has only been a few times, so far, but it makes Beau’s stomach go all fluttery in a way that she hadn’t anticipated or thought about in the moment. She hadn’t meant it like that. She just meant… well, she meant it how Jester seems to be taking it. Best friends. Roommates. Love. It’s just—

Beau’s got a stomachache or something, maybe. That’s all. It’ll go away.

“Hi, Mama!” Jester calls out and then jumps into Marion’s arms. Leaving Beau standing there beside a panting, slobbery Nugget who she sort of half-owns. “Guess what Beau and I did!?”

Jester goes on to explain the entire ruse to her mother, who looks over at Beau with slightly narrowed eyes for half a beat and then turns back to her daughter, all smiles. Beau sits down and Nugget tries to worm his way onto her lap, but he is sort of huge now and Beau shoves him off. She feels bad a minute later when he whines and starts scratching behind his ears in compensation. Halfway through Jester’s explanation, the rest of the Mighty Nein come back for the evening. Caduceus’s eyebrows raise up to his hairline as he catches the tail end of the conversation and then he smirks over at Beau. She flips him off, causing Yasha to chuckle. Beau instantly grins at her, cocky, and then remembers exactly what Jester is implying with this stupid study and tries to make her grin look more casual and less like she is checking Yasha out.

Marion gives her that Look again.

“Caleb, wanna go grab dinner?” Beau asks, jumping up quick and dodging out of Marion’s view. Caleb looks at her funny but doesn’t argue, following Beau down into the kitchens. She jumps up to sit on top of a table and starts munching on an apple—a girl that Beau's seen working upstairs before gives her a death stare as she does so. Beau shrugs at her. “What?” she asks, too harsh. The girl huffs and grabs the apple back and walks out of the room.

“I think that was hers,” Caleb says.

“No shit.” Beau rolls her eyes and jumps off the table, rummaging around for something else. “Do you know how to cook?”

“No,” Caleb states, looking at her like she has suddenly grown a few extra heads. “Why didn’t you bring Caduceus if that's what you wanted?” 

“He’d ask me way too many questions.”

“About the study?”

Beau freezes up then shrugs and starts piling fruit into her arms. Good enough.

“Who even is this wizard?” Caleb asks.

“Do you care?”

“Yes,” Caleb says and Beau realizes that she made an error in picking him over Cad. She shoulda grabbed Nott. Nott wouldn’t give a shit. “Who is this person?” Caleb asks. “What sort of information does he want to know? What is he going to require from you? From us?”

“Uhhh…”

“You don’t even know, do you?”

“Go yell at Jester! Not me!” Beau defends. She drops two of the apples. “I’m not the one who got us into this! Go and ask her all the boring questions.”

Caleb stares at her for a moment and then nods. “Alright,” he says and walks out of the kitchen.

“Wait, shit,” Beau runs after him. She drops three more apples. No one wanted apples for dinner anyway, probably. “CALEB!”

He’s already interrogating Jester. Marion has moved to sit down on a chaise, watching them all reproachfully. Jester answers Caleb’s questions easily and without pause. She seems entirely confident in their plan. Marion looks a little worried, but unsurprised by Jester’s antics. Caduceus is hard to read, but he’s looking at Beau like he knows that she’s got that stomachache, somehow. 

So is Yasha, actually.

Nott, as predicted, doesn’t give a shit and starts picking at the food that Beau brought over, frowning up at her for her poor choices.

Caleb only cares about the wizard.

Fjord… Beau can’t tell. Her stomachache grows.

Fuck.

…

…

“Are you mad, Beau?” Jester asks, a few hours later. They’ve eaten—Cad took pity on Nott and went into the kitchen and whipped up something fabulous. Marion says that he is allowed to come back anytime he wants. Caleb interrogated Jester for an hour, until he got angry and yelled and Marion jumped up and looked like she might murder him in seconds, magic be damned, and he sat down, silent. They all decided that it was time for bed.

Beau and Jester are roommates, so.

“No, why would I be mad?” Beau shucks her pants and slides underneath the covers, tugging her hair out of its bun and sighing at the relief it brings.

Jester fidgets next to the bed, then quickly changes into a pair of silk pajamas and slides in beside Beau. “Well… Caleb seems mad and I didn’t even pretend that I was dating him.”

“Nah, I’m not mad,” Beau tells her, sincere. Confused maybe. A little weirded out to be sleeping in Jester's childhood bedroom with her talking about their fake relationship, but she’s not mad.

“Are you… okay?”

“Huh?”

“Well—” Jester shifts around, trying to get comfortable as Sprinkle climbs up towards her face. Beau is pretty sick of sleeping with a weasel. It’s bitten her twice now. “Nott and Yasha told me that maybe it wasn’t okay that I didn’t ask you about it first.”

“What?” Beau asks. “Why would they care?”

“They care about _you,_ Beau,” Jester says, as if this should be obvious.

Beau scoffs. “They do not. They care about _you._ ”

“No! Both of us!”

Beau laughs. “Sure.”

“They _do,_ Beau!”

“I said sure.”

“You didn’t mean it.”

“Jester, can we please go to sleep now?”

Jester sighs. It’s clear that this isn’t going to be the end of the conversation forever. “Okay,” she agrees. “But… are you okay?”

“Yeah, Jes,” Beau says, soft. “I’m good, promise.” She rolls over and snuffs out the lamp, listening to the sound of Jester’s steady breathing until she finally nods off.

The damn stomachache is still there when she wakes up in the morning.

…

…

They don’t have time to dwell on Beau’s stomachache or Caleb’s feelings or negotiate how much money Alphonso is going to give them, because Nott’s eyes go wide with panic and she disguises herself as a halfling woman, spills some of Caleb's secrets, and then goes and calls a little halfling boy her _son_.

Beau sucks in a hot breath and goes frozen stiff. Beside her, she feels Jester do the same. Fjord's mouth has dropped open and he doesn't even seem aware of it. Caleb looks like he's going to puke. “We… should probably all talk,” she says, as gentle as she can manage.

“Yeah, okay,” Nott says. She keeps looking back at the house.

Nott leads them to a river and spills out everything that she has been bottling up inside of her with jokes and lies. Beau’s opinion of her shifts again; she just spent months with them in the water to help Fjord. _Months._ She drowned and she still came along anyway. They probably would have died a bunch of times over if not for her help.

Beau tells her so.

Nott’s shoulders tense up and then she nods over at Beau, not fully believing her words, maybe. Doesn’t matter, Beau needed her to hear them, at least.

Caleb isn’t as honest as Nott but Beau doesn’t press him to explain anything further. This is about Nott—Veth? is she supposed to call her Veth, now?—not him. His arm smacks down onto Beau’s shoulder halfway through his explanation and she freezes up, for half a second.

Then she quickly lifts her own hand up, unsure, and clasps it down over the top of Caleb’s hand. She hears him breathe out shaky, wet air and continue on with his tale. Beau holds on to him until he pulls away of his own accord, a bit awkward, a bit unsure, but she doesn’t move until he does. She only notices Jester watching them both after Caleb has moved away. 

Beau sucks in a hard breath and apologizes for not hearing what he was trying to tell her yesterday. She can’t quite manage to hold his gaze the whole time as she does it, but it feels good—in the sense that she feels terrible the whole time, but better once it’s over. Like she’s done something good in the middle of this whole fucked up mess.

Later, once he’s sort of gone off to take a breath and Beau’s gone to find out something that will help Nott, Beau registers what he did; reaching out to her like that, without Frumpkin. It feels sort of like a punch to the gut, but she’s… happy about it? Jester’s hopeful and soft voice as she hugged Beau from behind flashes in the back of her mind again. Fjord’s teasing, gentle advice rings out in her ears. _Gods, caring about people is hard._ Beau pushes it down, she’s good at that—sometimes—and Nott… Veth… needs her more than Caleb or Jester or Fjord does right now.

Beau goes to get Nott information. That’s something that she can do. When she interrogates some idiot named _Geoff_ who went into the fire for Nott’s kid, Beau remembers the look on Nott’s face—one she has never seen on her own mother’s—and she reaches into a pouch and tosses him twenty gold without really thinking about it. Instinct. Like reaching back for Caleb. Like trying to make Jester smile.

Jester latches onto that detail, when Beau mentions it offhand, later. They settle down for the night and Jester pokes at Beau’s shoulder. “You gave him twenty gold?”

“It’s not a big deal,” Beau says, shrugging it off.

Jester looks at her, serious. “Yeah, it is,” she says and reaches over and kisses Beau’s cheek.

The goddamn stomachache comes back.

…

…

They spend _days_ underground and Beau doesn’t have time to worry about her shitty digestive system. She reads Jester’s erotica out loud till Nott cracks a smile and Fjord looks like he is going to vomit.

Nott almost dies and Beau goes blind with panic. She runs and sticks her hands into lava and sprints as fast as her body will allow to get Nott back to the healers. No one has time to process feelings. Nott is the priority.

“What if we can’t find him?” Jester whispers into Beau’s ear. “He sounded scared in his message.”

“We’ll find him,” Beau says, confident. More confident than she feels, maybe.

“But—”

She rolls over and faces Jester. “We will.”

Jester nods and sort of curls into Beau a little. “Yeah, you’re right.”

Fucking Alphonso chooses that moment to finally show back up—at least they’re sort of cuddling. Beau screams and punches him on instinct and then Yasha has him by the throat before anyone can blink. Jester screams to let him go and apologizes to everyone, offering to give Alphonso a tattoo for his troubles.

He doesn’t look amused.

Jester and Beau lead him over a few feet away from their little camp and he has them sit down to answer questions. Beau can see Caleb giving them all the stink eye from her line of view and she sits up a little straighter and wraps her arm around Jester in response. Alphonso doesn’t give a shit why they’re camped out in a little dome in the middle of a field near the edge of a city full of monsters in the middle of a war. He asks how their sex life is going.

Beau chokes on air and Jester _beams._ In her element, she goes on and on about all of the _fantastic,_ constant sex that the two of them are having. Agonizingly going into detail in a way that has even Beau shifting and not able to meet her gaze. She feels like Fjord and it pisses her off.

“That part’s going just great,” she cuts in. “Also, not totally your business.”

“I’m conducting a study on the ins and outs of romantic and sexual relationships. You agreed to be participants. It is my business if you want to get paid.”

“Yeah, Beau,” Jester elbows her in the gut. “Relax.”

"However," he says, towards Jester. "I don't actually need that many explicit details." Jester nods, mock-serious. 

“We’re just kind of in the middle of something important, is all," Beau says. "Plus, it’s the middle of the night. Are you gonna keep popping in on us in the middle of the night?”

“No,” Alphonso says, smoothing down his cloaks. “I like to test my couples the first time I show up—people want to make easy money, I’ve had a few fake couples try and work their way into my study before. Now, I sometimes show up at unexpected times to see genuine interactions. The two of you were sleeping together,” he states, a hint of skepticism in his tone.

Jester is all smiles, tucking further into Beau, unfazed by Alphonso’s implications. “Yep, we do pretty much every night.”

“Basically,” Beau says. It’s not a lie. They just… don’t usually cuddle.

“Well…” Alphonso drawls. “I won’t keep you, it’s late. I should be back in a week or so. I’ll need at least an hour of your time.” He rummages around inside his cloak for a moment, then pulls out a small coin purse, holding it out towards Jester. “Do you know the spell _Sending?_ ” he asks. Jester nods excitedly. “I’ll send you a message when I plan to come. I understand that the life of an adventurer doesn’t always lend to appointments being kept, but I expect you to do your best underneath the circumstances if you wish to receive compensation.”

“Understood!” Jester salutes him. From across the field, Beau can see Fjord hanging his head and sighing at the sight.

“Have a good night,” Alphonso says and hands the coin purse to Jester before disappearing into the night.

“Fuck,” Beau hisses.

“That was easy!” Jester declares happily. “This is such a great way to make money!”

“Didn’t you hear him? He’s caught people faking it before, we lucked out that we kinda looked like we were together when he showed up. I don’t know if this is such a great idea, Jes.”

“What?” she looks distressed and Beau’s goddamn stomach revolts. Traitorous piece of shit.

“I just — don’t you think that we should be focusing on helping Nott?” Beau asks.

“We _are,_ ” Jester stresses. “We’re using this money to help buy passage into the city. I’m not keeping it for myself.” She looks a little pissed at the implication and Beau jerks in surprise.

“I wasn’t — that’s not what I meant. If we’re trying to trick him, we’re not putting all of our energy into helping Nott. Is all I meant.”

“If it starts to make things worse instead of better, we stop,” Jester declares, holding out her hand and waiting for Beau to shake it.

“Fine,” Beau sighs. The minute that she locks palms with Jester, she’s tugged forward.

“Ground rules,” Jester declares. “We’re not going to have sex.”

Beau blanches. “Well, yeah, no shit.”

Jester continues on as if Beau never spoke. “Kissing is fine but we should probably only do it more when we think Alphonso is coming around. We should hold hands all the time, because I like holding hands. Same with cuddling.”

“Great, fine. Whatever.”

Jester presses her forehead against Beau’s, her face serious. “We can’t secretly fall in love with each other, okay?”

Beau’s stomach flops. Cad must actually be a shitty cook. She swallows thickly and nods. “Okay.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 84 years later with an update.... whoops. 
> 
> (i've had a significant lack of motivation to write for the last few months, i'm hoping to change that. beaujester week is coming up and i'm gonna try to use some of the prompts to add a few chapters to this along with a couple of one-shots. a lofty goal for someone who has barely written shit in like 5 months. but, fingers crossed.)

The stomachache doesn’t go away. Beau gets pretty good at ignoring it, though. 

She’s not used to having to worry about her appearance. Sure, everyone once in a while she gets an asshole who gives her a hard time—usually a white human dude, nine times out of ten—but on the whole, humans don’t get a lot of flack in the empire. Everyone in the party looks over at her and Caleb warily and Beau feels herself slouching down a bit. It hasn’t _bothered_ her necessarily that basically everyone else can do magic apart from her, but it’s starting to become more inconvenient than she ever thought it would. 

“I can…” Jester squints at Beau sort of sideways, deep in concentration. She’s sticking her tongue out of her mouth, just a bit. Beau smiles without realizing it and then quickly presses her lips into a thin line. “I can probably _Polymorph_ you,” Jester declares. “I’ve only ever done it to like…. animals before, but I’ll bet it will work!” 

Beside her, Caleb frowns and sticks his head down into his spellbook, flipping pages furiously. 

Beau knows that Jester is a badass. Generally, she figures out a way to make these things work. “Okay,” she shrugs, ignoring the glup that comes from Caleb once he settles on one of them. “Go for it.”

“Okay!” Jester grows excited. “What do you want to look like?”

“Hold on,” Caleb cuts in. Beau gets ready to holler at him to just let them be but then he turns and starts talking to Jester easily about their combined number of spells. Jester listens for half a second, then shrugs and says he can go on ahead and change Beau, if he wants. She can help later.

Caleb stands in front of her now, Jester right at his left, grinning. “What would you like to look like?” he asks, calmly. 

“Um…” Beau says ‘tiefling’ without a second thought and watches the way that Jester’s eyes go a little wide with surprise and something a bit soft. “Just like, a red one. A dude one!” she adds, quick. If she gets to change her whole body, might as well go big or go home and see what it’s like to feel as different as possible. Horns and a dick and bright ass red skin, why the hell not? 

Jester grins wider as Caleb mutters something, making some motions with his hands and some random powders from his bag and then Beau feels her skin sort of prickle in a way that’s not uncomfortable, necessarily, but it doesn’t feel good. There’s something just a bit unsettling about it for half a second and then she feels like herself again. Beau tugs open her pants quick to see if anything has actually changed and sees red hands and then looks down and bursts out laughing. 

“You gave me a purple dick?”

“Oh, let me see,” Jester leans over and nods. “Nice.” 

“It’s the only one that I’ve seen apart from my own,” Caleb mutters, looking embarrassed. Fjord sighs deeply and looks at the ground as Nott laughs. Caduceus doesn’t know what’s going on, but he just smiles and nods along anyway, unworried about not being let in on the joke. Beau remembers the way that Molly’s egg-dick gag went horribly wrong and just shakes her head and smiles. “Good job dude,” she says. “Thanks. How are my horns?” she asks Jester. 

Jester gives her a thumbs up and then uses _Disguise Self_ to make herself to look, “Just like, super goth.” She poses a bit while Fjord bulks himself up. Beau mimics her for a minute, flexing as the two of them laugh uncontrollably and pull faces. When they turn back around, Yasha has smeared mud and twigs and all kinds of shit all over herself to make her look just a bit off and Caleb has turned himself into basically a male version of Jester. 

“Woah,” both of them exclaim. 

“Let’s go,” he says without preamble and walks over towards Nott. 

Beau bumps her hip into Jester’s as they walk towards the city’s gates. “I know this is all very dire and kinda shitty but also, this is kinda fun, right?”

“Totally,” Jester grins at her. 

…

…

They fucking buy three swamp-panthers, watch Nott fawn over a hot minotaur, discover a rift in the _goddamn universe,_ and kill a freaky cat-like monster. 

It’s a weird day. 

Beau hangs back with Fjord, Caleb, Yasha, and Caduceus while Jester and Nott go talk to a Krynn Queen. Yasha seems sort of on edge to be in this city. Beau slides over and plops down into the grass beside her, mugging her new face up a bit till she cracks a smile out of Yasha. “You okay?” Beau asks. “Being here?”

Yasha shrugs. “I’d rather not be,” she admits. “But I… I want to help Nott find her husband.” She says it sort of strangely; bittersweet, almost. Beau is about to question her further when Cad plops down beside them and gives Yasha some tea that he produced from who knows where. He gives her a pointed look that Beau doesn’t fully understand and she sort of shrugs and leaves them to it. Cad is definitely better at cheering people up than she is, anyway. She doesn’t really know how to act around Yasha. She’s…. super into her. That much has been fucking obvious to Beau since the minute that they met, but… she doesn’t _do_ relationships. Or, she hasn’t, ever. It’d be weird probably, to hook up with her and then… still see each other every day. Beau doesn’t actually think she wants that. 

She doesn’t think that Yasha does, either. 

So, Beau doesn’t know how to make this not awkward and just be friends. It’s easier with Jester because Jester is easy to be friends with. 

Whatever. That’s… not as easy as it used to be, these days. 

Beau goes over to Fjord and Caleb. They’re the easiest. No fucking attraction there whatsoever. They get her. Or, it seems like they do. 

“Sup,” she says and flops down to the dirt. Fjord is still trying to find a comfortable way to sit—his new beefy muscles seem awkward and he grunts and then just gives up and lies down beside Beau. “You coulda just been yourself,” she says, poking at the bicep in front of her face. “Honestly, this is kinda freaky.”

“Says the girl with the egg-smelling brand new purple dick.”

“My purple dick smells just fine, thank you very much.”

Caleb cracks the smallest of smiles. “It does smell just a bit of egg.”

“Fuck you,” Beau hollers, no real feeling behind it. She chucks some grass in his face and Caleb’s smile grows into a real one. Fjord laughs at them, full-bellied and bright. For that all he claims to love the water, he seems more comfortable with himself now that they’re back on land. Though, Beau supposes it might have more to do with the whole Uk’otoa of it all, then just Fjord, enjoying the water. 

“Watch this,” Caleb says and snaps his fingers. Frumpkin jumps up on his hind legs and does what could only be considered as a jig. Fjord and Beau laugh so hard they can’t breathe. Objectively, it’s not the funniest thing in the world but in the moment, it’s hilarious in its ridiculousness. After a minute or so, they calm down and Caleb shifts in his spot a bit. “Beauregard,” he edges, careful. “What did the wizard say to you and Jester last night?”

“That he didn’t need all the explicit details of our sex life that Jester provided him with,” she says, dry. Fjord’s lips pinch and Caleb sighs. “Got 50 gold though. Which, as we all saw from how fucking broke we are when we bought those panther dudes things—”

“Moorbounder,” Caleb corrects. 

“Whatever,” Beau continues, waving her hands in the air. “We could barely afford two of those things full price and now that we have them, we’re almost completely out of cash. 50 gold every two weeks is gonna save our broke asses. You’re welcome.” 

“It’s not that—” Caleb clenches his teeth, pausing and thinking his words through carefully. He’s better at that than Beau is, but not by a whole lot. “I worry about what it might mean to have a powerful wizard popping in on us whenever his wishes. I don’t trust him.”

“Neither do I,” Beau counters. 

“If he is just working on a… sociological? Anthropological? I don’t know what his aims are with this study. If that _is_ all that he truly cares about then _fine._ But what do we do if it’s not? What if we do something else to draw unwanted attention? What if he discovers your ruse?” 

“Then we punch him till leaves us alone.”

“Beauregard,” Caleb sighs. 

“Look, dude,” Beau sits up and looks him in the eye. “I know that it’s risky. It wasn’t my idea. It wouldn’t be my first choice, to be honest. But it’s not a terrible one. It’s easy money if we play it right. I don’t trust him and I’m definitely gonna be on my guard but I don’t think we need to worry. Honestly.” 

Caleb’s face is still dipped into a frown. He holds his gaze with Beau’s for a few moments, then nods curtly. “I still don’t like it.”

“Noted,” Beau says, as Jester and Nott come running out towards them, buzzing with excited energy. 

“We can make so much money you guys!” Jester exclaims. The two of them dive into a breathless explanation of the two offers the drow queen presented them with. Beau listens carefully, watching Nott and the rest of her friends’ reactions as they make their way to a tavern to grab something to eat. Jester’s hand keeps sort of knocking into hers as they walk in tandem. After a minute or so, Beau gets annoyed and pulls up ahead a little, walking beside Fjord. When they all walk into the bar, Beau turns and catches the small frown on Jester’s face, guilt seeping into her bones. To make up for it, she plops down next to Jester in the booth, their thighs pressed up against each other. 

Across the booth, Yasha levels Beau with a look. She shifts and jumps up, announcing that she’s gonna ask around for some info on their leads. An empire spy shouldn’t be that hard for Beau to suss out. She flirts with a hot drow woman and gets nowhere, but there’s something about her that has Beau’s curiosity piqued beyond her hotness. It takes one or two more passes before Beau is aware that questions aren’t going to get them anywhere this time around. She offers up a challenge and within half a breath, Jester is at her side. 

Beau grins, standing beside Jester, adrenaline flowing through her veins. The drow and the troll are certainly not going to make anything easy on them, but Beau is pretty sure that it’s going to be one hell of a fight before it’s over. _Awesome._

She starts off strong but the drow fights just like she does and it takes a vital second to readjust herself. 

Jester goes down and Beau freezes for half a breath and takes a punch to the face that stuns her for her hesitancy. 

 _Fuck,_ she breathes in and out, shaky. Feeling her own power turned back around on Beau for once fucking _sucks_.  

The troll goes down and Beau is hanging on by a thread. Jester is beat, but alive with the rest of their friends and then Beau is all alone with the drow. 

She can’t win. 

She knows it in one slippery moment. Beau hauls out for a punch and connects but it’s not enough and when she goes for a second, there’s… something, and she misses. She goes down hard and the drow is victorious and Beau’s head is screaming something fierce when Cad brings her back up. She doesn’t waste any time, probably should, but instead, she takes off running after the drow and Jester isn’t far behind them. 

It’s not some random hot drow woman, it’s Darion. 

Beau jumps forward and hugs her. Doesn’t even think about it till she pulls back and notices Darion’s surprised face at the gesture and the way she’s glancing back and forth between their arms. 

“Uh… this is Jester,” Beau says. “My um, friend.”

Jester perks up and starts chattering away to Darion and Beau can tell that Darion isn’t overly fond of anything that’s happening right now but Beau’s not embarrassed by Jester, she’s delighted. Darion is alive and there is a reason that Beau hesitated during the fight. This is all great, all things considered. 

Except for the fact that Darion is almost definitely the spy that they’re supposed to be looking for, probably. 

Beau quickly shuffles Jester and the rest of them out of the alley so she can talk to Darion alone. She tries not to clench her teeth while she does it. Darion tells her not to get too attached and something inside Beau’s chest tightens uncomfortably. She doesn’t really notice that she is even talking about Jester’s weasel until Jester is hollering about it through the door and Beau is smiling and Darion is frowning. 

Then Darion is gone, again. And Beau is alone with her friends. 

…

…

They slip out of the city and crash for the night and Beau feels Jester curl up beside her. “Darion seems nice,” she whispers. “I can see why you like her.”

“I don’t like her like that,” Beau says, quiet but sure. 

“Oh?” Jester edges. “Really? She’s very beautiful.”

“Yeah, sure I guess,” Beau shrugs and she can feel Jester’s body shift with her shoulder as she does it. “But I don’t like her like that. She’s my mentor.” 

“A hot mentor,” Jester adds, but there’s a tinge to her voice that comes off as strained. 

“I’m really tired, Jes,” she whispers. 

“Oh, okay sure. We’ve got a big day tomorrow!” 

“Right,” Jester’s breath puffs warmly against Beau’s back. She shivers and presses her palms together tightly. “Night Beau.”

…

…

They get Yeza back. 

Beau watches the way that Nott keeps on staring at him out of the corner of her eye when she thinks that he isn’t looking back at her. Except that he is, always, looking at her now. First, it was in shock and confusion and awe, and now… well, it’s still all of those but also there’s love mixed up in there. Nott seems real confused by that fact, but Beau’s met her, traveled with her, been saved by her and teased by her and—well, she’s not surprised. Happy, because that means Yeza isn’t someone she’s going to have to punch into oblivion for hurting Nott’s feelings, but not surprised.

Jester’s not surprised either. She stays close to Nott, whispering and giggling and poking at her and pointing back to Yezza in ways that has Nott’s face going a little pink. It’s nice.

Normal, almost.

Except for the whole, Yeza was a political prisoner in a foreign government and their son might still be in danger and Nott was killed and brought back as a goblin and they sort of declared their allegiance to said government, sort of way. Still, it feels like a win. It feels like she can let out her breath for a second.

…

…

Beau focuses on the problems at hand and not on the way that the light sort of catches Jester’s skin perfectly when she squints up and smiles at Beau. She focuses on the new goddamn _house_ they have just been gifted and how Jester wants to set up the place. To decorate it.

It’s fucking huge and it’s _theirs_ and Beau doesn’t know how to feel about that. She doesn’t know how to feel about the fact that Jester runs through the place and tells Beau to find the biggest and best bedroom for them. 

 _Them._ There are tons of rooms in this house. Plenty for them to each have their own but Jester doesn’t hesitate for a moment to think about whether or not she wants to keep on sharing with Beau.

 _It’s probably for the cover,_ she thinks. _In case Alphonso pops in on us unannounced._ Out loud she only calls out, “Found a good one!” and flops down onto the bed, exhausted. She can hear the sounds of her friends banging around downstairs and above her. After a while, Jester and Fjord both holler out in what sounds like excitement at something and then Beau feels the whole fucking house shake from above.

She goes upstairs, fists clenched, prepared for anything.

Anything, except for what she finds.

Caduceus went and put a goddamn _million-foot tree_ on the top of the place. This is… not sort of subtle spying that Darion told her to continue to do. Not by a long shot. The ‘no attachments’ thing isn’t going so well, either, Beau knows. When she heads up to see what’s going on, she is greeted by the sight of Cad, beaming up at the tree. Fjord, staring at it with a mixture of awe and worry. Jester, laughing and dancing around with Nott. And Yeza, dumbfounded and delighted as Frumpkin crawls all around them. Caleb catches her eye, gives her a small shaky smile before accepting the tea Cad gently shoves into his hands. He raises his glass up towards Beau, and nods.

“Fuck me,” Beau mumbles into her own mug. She chokes on the tea when Yasha suddenly comes up behind her. Like, _directly_ behind her. “Fuck—”

“Sorry,” Yasha says, looking a bit dumbfounded. She reaches out a hand and brushes some of the scalding water off Beau’s palm. Staring at Jester the whole time.

“You good?” Beau asks her. The look on her face says ‘no’ pretty definitively but Beau doesn’t think Yasha is the sort to just start talking about her shit unprompted. As it is, Yasha just stares up at the tree, then back over at Jester. Beau follows her gaze and swallows thickly.

“She painted my room,” Yasha says, so quiet and so full of emotion that Beau feels like she shouldn’t be privy to it, somehow. “Flowers,” her voice cracks.

Beau almost says a lot of things but she swallows them all down and instead, holds out her tea to Yasha. She watches Yasha grip it with a practiced and careful gentleness that she only ever shows off the battlefield. Beau sits down beside her and says nothing, just watches their friends settle into their new home.

 _Their new home._ It has a nice ring to it. Fucking terrifying, but nice.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is verrrry tentatively for beaujester week day one: first kiss. i'm attempting to add a few of the prompts for the week into this to try and get me motivated to finishing it!! so far, kind of working, but i doubt i will crank them all out in the week. 
> 
> also, i'm playing sort of fast and loose with canon plot stuff to shift things to my liking if that's not apparent yet. like, beyond the whole, elf romantic study thing. enjoy!

She goes with Caleb to talk to a batshit looking half-orc who keeps trying to stick her fingers in Beau’s mouth and look at her teeth.

Caleb takes to this only marginally better than Beau does.

They have a new mission though, and a way to cement their place here further—if that’s what they want. Beau’s been thinking about that a lot more lately, before her talk with Darion, but _especially_ now. What do they want?

What does _she_ want?

This house? To stay with these people and fight their war? Fight against the only home she ever knew, prior to this? Good or bad or something in-between, it was what she knew and where she came from. She doesn’t love it, fuck no, but—

She’s not sure she hates it all the way, either. Not the way the Bright Queen does. Not in the way where she’s willing to just let a bunch of people be killed for no reason than they happened to be born in a land with some shitty, greedy, leaders.

No one else seems to have much of a clearer path than Beau, and orders to make a dude embarrassed for more dope shit sounds like a good time as any, so, they head off to fight some giants.

…

…

Jester sticks sort of close as they travel. Beau usually rides up on Yannick with Caleb and Nott, but Jester sort of looks shy and mumbles something about Alphonso maybe popping in and Beau climbs up behind her instead. Fjord wiggles his eyebrows at her teasingly and Beau hauls off and punches him in the shoulder, quick before anyone can notice.

He groans and grabs at his arm, Caduceus turning and frowning over at them both, reproachful. Beau shrugs and swings herself up onto Yarnball while Fjord contemplates how to get on Yannik with one throbbing arm till Cad mumbles something at him underneath his breath as he holds his staff and the tension in Fjord's face relaxes.

Caduceus throws Beau a disapproving look. He’s probably got at least one younger sibling—that is something that’s been perfected over time. Beau shrinks away from it and instead taps out a beat on Jester’s back until she’s laughing and trying to guess the tune.

They go through twenty-six different songs before they get bored. By song eight, Jester is singing the answers out at the top of her lungs, incredibly off-key and absolutely unabashed about it. Whenever anyone else knows the song too, they chime in. Fjord can hold a tune but he’s a bit shy and untrained and unwilling to get very loud unless it’s a sea shanty that calls for volume. Caleb mouths along a few times, but Beau isn’t close enough to hear if anything is coming out of him. Nott actually has a really good voice and she knows how to harmonize and seems only delighted to play if she knows the song. Yasha, as expected, is as shy and unsure about the whole affair as Caleb, to start off, but once she sees that plenty of them are tone-deaf and don’t care, she hollers out along with Jester, pulling a brilliant smile out of the tiefling.

Caduceus cannot sing, it doesn’t stop him from humming along happily as he navigates their ridiculous troupe.

(Beau wonders—sometime around song nineteen—if Molly could sing, and what his voice might have sounded like, blending with the rest of them).

…

…

They reach the mining camp and meet Foreman Bodo and Beau can’t wait to make his life miserable—except for the fact that these giants clearly are scared and something is clearly wrong and everyone looks at each other and it becomes clear they’re not leaving till they help. Everything the giants say sounds a hell of a lot like the other rift they found.

So.

They head off with one of them to see what they can find.  

They reach the giant tunnels and things get weird and dangerous fast. It’s far too quiet, for a few breaths and then something leaps out at them that looks a hell of a lot like the things from the rift before, and everyone leaps into action. It’s horrible fly-like things that make a noise that _hurts._ Beau can’t do anything but punch the shit out of things, so she runs around and does that as best she can while her friends fling magic at it. People go down, though. Beau turns and sees Fjord drop and her chest goes tight with panic. She’s too far away from him and there’s nothing she could do if she gets to him anyway.

No magic.

She punches even harder, out of frustration.

Of course, nothing ever quite gives them a minute more than to catch their breath and heal up fucking _ever,_ it seems. The giants come, once they’ve got Fjord back up and breathing heavy. Jester tries to _Turn Undead_ but these fuckers aren’t dead, apparently. Just possessed by weird as fuck shit.

Sometimes, Beau wishes more people just punched things and stopped possessing and magic-ing their way through life. It would make it a lot easier and way less scary. Caleb casting _Polymorph_ on the thing is brilliant for two breaths and then fucking terrifying as a giant snapping turtle tries to eat Fjord.

He’s not having the best day.

It feels like _ages_ before they close the rift and kill all the things that are trying to kill them. Beau finds a piece of blue fabric and keeps playing with it on watch. Caleb sits with her, silently working on _Identifying_ that silver vial from Yeza. Beau presses the cloth to her own clothes, trying to see if it matches up with Cobalt blue, but it’s not quite the same shade. She’s antsy in a way she doesn’t know how to explain, and she can’t fall asleep.

Jester tugs her down. Beau didn’t even realize that she was awake. “Come on, Beau,” she mumbles and pushes her until she’s got her at a good angle. Beau is about to ask what the fuck she’s doing when Jester’s hand reaches up and starts rubbing her back in circles. She hums, softly; a tune that Beau doesn’t know. Neither of them says anything else, and before Beau knows it, she’s out cold.

…

…

When she wakes up, she’s curled into Nott. Both of them open their eyes and stare at each other in confusion. Beau expects Nott to screech and shove her away or something but instead, she just very purposefully slinks away and says absolutely nothing.

Beau’s good with that. She rises and stretches out her muscles. Steps up on her toes and lifts her arms out ten times to wake her body up and then rolls her shoulders and her neck. Jester and Yasha are sitting together, huddled close and whispering around their breakfast. Yasha’s got a heavy look to her eyes—more exhausted than her usual—and when Beau catches Jester’s gaze she frowns and gives a single shake of her head.

Beau doesn’t comment on Yasha’s appearance. Instead, she flops down on the other side of Jester, takes the cloth of food that Cad passes her and starts munching on it. “Hey Jes,” she asks digging the blue cloth back out of her pocket. “D’you think you could maybe try _Scrying_ on this?”

Jester shrugs and puts down her breakfast, closes her eyes, and concentrates. Beau shovels food into her mouth as she waits, shooting sidelong glances at both Jester and Yasha every once in a while. When Jester opens her eyes she’s a little jittery and Beau passes her some water. She tells them that she saw some blonde guy taking notes, mentions something named The Crawling King, and uses _Disguise Self_ to see if anyone recognizes the dude.

No one does, but Beau memorizes the face and files it away for later.

They all go back to the remains of their breakfasts and then Yasha clears her throat and starts talking. Beau’s head whips up once she tells them of her dream last night, of Jester and Nott going out into the storm and hollering up at the sky with her. That explains the heavy look. Doesn’t explain why Nott came and curled up with _Beau_ after, but, maybe she didn’t mean to. Beau stops wondering about Nott as Yasha keeps talking because her voice is raw and pained and she says things like _wife_ and _executed_ and _can’t remember_ and _ran away_ and can’t manage to look anyone in the eye.

Beau makes her, though. Yasha says, “I just ran because I was scared and I am a coward,” and Beau can’t stand it.

“No,” she cuts in, low and firm. “You’re a survivor.”

Yasha makes a face like maybe she disagrees, but she doesn’t say anything further on the matter. She clearly wants the subject changed, so they all gather their things and go to dig through the mine before heading back to the giants.

They find a letter that is gonna make embarrassing the foreman easy as pie and Beau can’t stop grinning as she climbs back up onto Yarnball behind Jester.

“That was nice,” Jester whispers, once they’ve started off.

“Huh?”

“What you said to Yasha.”

“Oh, I wasn’t—I was just trying to—”

“I know,” Jester says, turning her head a little. “It was nice. I’ve been trying to tell her that, but… I don’t think she believes us. Yet.”

“Maybe not,” Beau agrees. She’s not all that surprised that Jester knew about this already. Jester’s easy to talk to. It’s one of Beau’s favorite things about her. “But, we’ve got time,” she adds, poking Jester’s side. “For now, I’ve got a plan on how to make Bodo squirm.”

“Ooo, tell me,” Jester demands.

…

…

Embarrassing the foreman is _delightful._

Beau climbs up onto Yasha’s shoulders and does a dramatic reading of his love letters. Jester and the rest of the Nein making faces and disguising themselves as either him, or his lover.

He faints.

It’s glorious. Despite the demon monsters coming out of rifts, and her weird stomachache, and her friend’s trauma that she can’t do much about, Beau is having a _great_ day.

…

…

They go back to the house and disperse for a few hours. Beau conks out shortly after her head hits the pillow, barely a word tossed across the room to Jester. When she wakes up, she’s alone. The sun is trying to push its way through the window blinds and she can hear people moving around downstairs. Beau rolls over and stretches in the bed, her toes curling and cracking in a way that makes her wince.

“That doesn’t sound good,” a low deep voice says.

Beau whips up and goes into a defensive position on top of her bed and almost punches the shit out of Alphonso before he holds up a hand and slams her back down.

“Good morning, Beauregard,” he says, calmly.

“You fuckin’ dick!” she hollers, panting and trying to will the adrenaline coursing through her body to _chill the fuck out._ “Why did you do that?”

Alphonso shrugs. “Honestly? It was funny.”

Beau stills and turns to stare at him. There is no humor to his face. “Fucking good morning to you too, asshole.”

“Sleep well?”

“Fine, I guess.”

Alphonso pointedly looks between the two beds.

“Jester kicks,” Beau says with a shrug that she hopes comes off as casual and easy. Alphonso says nothing in response which feels worse than if he had. Beau pushes off the bed and walks towards the door. “I’m starving, so, we can keep having this wonderful little chat in the kitchen.”

“Fine,” Alphonso says.

“How many other people have you woken up like this for your study?”

“A few,” he says. Beau catches the _tiniest_ hint of a smirk creeping onto the corners of his mouth. It’s nice, to know he’s human under there. Or… elven. Or, whatever. Dude isn’t a robot, which is good.

They head downstairs and walk into the kitchen, passing Fjord and Nott having some sort of staring contest in the living room that Beau doesn’t comment on. Caleb is nowhere to be found and when Beau goes into the kitchen, Alphonso trailing behind, she’s greeted by the sight of Caduceus, Jester, and Yasha sitting around the table. They all look up and give the two of them a surprised blink. Jester recovers first and twists her face into a beaming smile, offering Alphonso some tea.

“I’d be delighted, thank you,” Alphonso says, and slips into the seat beside her.

Beau frowns and hops up onto the counter instead of joining them. Jester and Caduceus start making idle chat with Alphonso, Yasha nibbles on her toast, silent. Every once in a while, she shoots a look over at Beau. Unreadable. Beau doesn’t know what to make of Yasha anymore—she never did, to be honest. Yasha was hot and quiet and _deadly._ That was all Beau needed till they really decided to stick together. Till Molly. But after that… Beau wasn’t about to hook up with her and deal with the fallout, but she was having a blast giving it a try. Now—

She had a _wife._

Honestly, it knocks her flat just as much as the idea of Yeza and Luc. She glances over at the living room, said husband has joined the strange staring contest but appears to be an impartial judge.

 _So fucking weird._ Beau shoves a handful of blueberries into her mouth aggressively. She sucks in air and one of them hits the wrong… windpipe… thing. Whatever it is, Beau is choking. Before anyone can do anything, Yasha jumps up, tugs Beau off the counter and wraps her arms around Beau’s waist and squeezes. The offending berry shoots out of Beau’s esophagus and lands in Caduceus’ eggs. He frowns down at it.

Beau is gasping and a little shaky and honestly, grateful that Yasha’s still kinda holding her up. A fucking _berry,_ of all things to cause her brain to size up with panic and her lungs to stop doing their job, it's some bullshit that it's a fucking berry. Her legs remain unsteady regardless.

“Breathe through your nose,” Yasha whispers. “Nice and slow.”

Jester has already jumped up and gotten Beau a glass of water, and she hovers in front of her anxiously. “Do you feel okay?”

Beau jerks her head up and down into a nod. “I’m good,” she says, voice a bit scratchy. “Thanks, Yasha,” she claps her on the shoulder and drops down into the empty seat at the table, guzzling the water and closing her eyes.

“Is anyone dead?!” Nott hollers.

“No!” Jester yells back. “Yasha saved Beau from the blueberry!”

“Fucking hell,” Beau mutters and drops her head down onto the table.

…

…

By the time Beau has scarfed breakfast and her throat isn’t trying to kill her, Alphonso takes the two of them into the war room for an interview. The war room isn’t picked for any particular reason other than no one else is currently using it, and Beau’s annoyed enough that he just popped into their bedroom to head back up there. Plus, too many questions. Also, they haven’t decided how they’re going to decorate it yet, might as well wait for the full effect.

“So, how is your day going?” Jester asks, sitting down basically half on Beau’s lap and draping her arms around Beau’s shoulders. It can’t look natural. It doesn’t _feel_ natural.

Feels a little nice, though.

Alphonso hums and pulls out a notebook, flipping it open and holding a pen above it. For some reason, Beau bursts out laughing at the image and cannot seem to stop.

“She’s… not usually like this,” Jester says, rubbing Beau’s shoulders. “We’ve had a weird couple of weeks. Two days ago, we fought these demon things! And some giants! Everyone is tired.”

“Demon things?” Alphonso asks, a little wary, but not overly concerned.

“Yep,” Jester says cheerfully. “It was wild, man.”

“Hard on the romance?”

“What?” Beau asks. “Dude, you — don’t ask questions that well.”

“How did you two meet?”

“Didn’t we… cover this already?”

“We did not,” Alphonso says, far too calm.

Before Beau can just haul off and punch him in the face and break their cover, Jester slides her palm into Beau’s and starts rubbing small circles with her thumb. It works annoyingly well to calm her down. “We met on the road.” She turns to Jester, eyebrow raised until she nods and takes over. Jester is going on and on about meeting Beau and fighting that big fish thing and then meeting the rest of the Mighty Nein a day or so later. Beau tunes her out and focuses on nothing but the way she’s started doing clockwise circles on the back of her hand.

“When did you begin a romantic relationship?” Alphonso asks and Jester elbows Beau in the side.

“Ouch, fuck,” Beau winces and glares at her. “Um… sometime around when we were pirates?”

“Yep, water — makes me horny,” Jester says. She cringes even as she says it, but Beau grins, trying to contain her laughter. She twists so she can sling her arm around Jester instead of this awkward fake sitting and knocks her head against Jester’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” she says, shit-eating grin on her face. “Me too. Match made in heaven, really.”

Jester’s smile is worth Alphonso pained sigh.

…

…

He stays for most of the day.

Beau is on edge only in the sense that Jester keeps touching her and smiling at her and everyone is acting like fucking idiots and being _very fucking obvious_ about staring at them. When Alphonso’s back is turned and he’s deep in the middle of a conversation with Yasha and Caleb, Beau whacks Fjord on the head.

“Stop being so weird,” she hisses.

“Oh _I’m_ sorry,” Fjord hisses back, rubbing his skull. “But this _is very fuckin’ weird._ Some elf dude is taking notes on our lives and you and Jester keep, like, neckin'.”

“Necking? What’s wrong with you?”

“Fjord doesn’t like sex stuff much,” Jester whispers.

“That’s not… this is not…” Fjord sighs deeply. “Today is so weird. And now that man is going through my laundry.” He points and Beau looks up to find Alphonso lifting a shirt of Fjord’s up with the tip of his pen and depositing it before turning back to Yasha.

“Right,” Beau says. “This is fuckin’ weird.”

“I think it’s fun,” Jester exclaims.

…

…

Caleb demands reprieve and Fjord jumps at the chance to get out of the house. Yasha gives Jester a sincere apologetic look but also does not hesitate to walk out with them. Nott grabs Yeza and locks them up in her room and tells Alphonso that they will not be joining his study under any circumstances whatsoever.

Caduceus is all too happy to talk to Alphonso. He offers to make them lunch and Alphonso follows him into the kitchen, only marginally wary.

Jester grabs hold of Beau and yanks her arm till they’re off in the hallway alone. “So,” she starts. “I think this is going really well!”

“ _How?”_

Jester frowns. “Well, I mean. He’s listening to all our stories! And he doesn’t seem like he doesn’t believe us! And, technically, we told the truth. Almost. We just… added in some things a few times,” she shrugs. “I think it’s going great!”

“Great?”

“Well, good. Maybe.”

“I think we’ll be lucky if he gives us this week’s money.”

Jester’s face dips into a frown and Beau instantly feels bad for saying it. But before she can protest or take it back Jester grows contemplative. Then, a shit-eating grin pulls onto her face. “I have a great idea,” she declares. Beau can barely blink before she’s shoved back into the living room that’s off the kitchen. Jester pushes her roughly down onto the couch and leaps on top of her. “Trust me, okay?” she says. The second that Beau nods, Jester bends down and presses their lips together.

It’s an exaggerated kiss, but Beau reacts to it like it’s real, almost. Her whole body jerks in surprise and her hands instantly come up to hold Jester in place. She’s sort of giggling into the kiss, getting sloppy and goofy and Beau’s whole body is on fire, a little bit, and then someone very pointedly clears their throat from behind them.

Jester pulls back, giggling down at Beau. Her eyebrows wiggle and then she turns around and feigns embarrassment. “Oh, Alphonso, we didn’t see you there,” she laughs. Caduceus peaks around the corner from behind him.

“Beau… you’ve got some of Jester’s, um,” he points towards his lips.

Beau’s face goes fucking _pink_ and she swipes at her lips and her fingers come away with a bit of blue. “Oh, my lipstick,” Jester laughs. “It looks good on you.” She bends back over and _kisses Beau again_ and Beau shivers. Jester jumps up and skips over towards the men and asks what Cad made and would Alphonso like to stay for dinner, too?

He declines, thank the gods.

Beau sits there on the sofa and feels her body burn with something like embarrassment and joy and—

Her stomach hurts, is all.    


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> beaujester day 2 elements (technically, a day late, tho) 
> 
> roommates & parallels

Beau rolls over and meets Jester’s gaze. “Hi,” she says. “I can’t sleep.”

“Why not?” Beau asks, curling further into herself a bit. It’s late and Beau’s exhausted, but she cracks one eye open and forces herself to listen to Jester. There’s been a lot of this the last few days—always was, she supposes. Jester is a talker. She likes going to bed and chatting about their day, their feelings, whatever. But it feels like it happens more and more, the last week or so.

Now, she shrugs her shoulders up and down in the bed, her gaze up at the ceiling. “Do you think Nott will leave with Yeza?” she asks.

Beau rolls onto her back, matching Jester’s position, and considers it. “Yeah, maybe,” she admits. “But… I dunno,” she rolls her head towards Jester, watching the twist of a frown pull onto her mouth. “What do you think?” she goads. “She’s more your friend than mine.”

“That’s not true!” Jester insists. Beau grins, turning back up to the ceiling. Jester can’t stand Beau putting herself down. That’s… not how she meant it though. It’s just _true._ They’re the detectives, they get along in a different way than Beau and Nott. It’s not something that bothers her. “Nott loves you, Beau!” Jester stresses.

“Sure, fine,” Beau says. “What do you think though?”

Jester frowns up at the ceiling again. “I don’t know,” she admits. Beau can tell it scares her—the unknown of it all, hanging over all of them.

What will Nott do? What does this house mean? What does the Bright Queen want? Where are they going to go next? _Are_ they going somewhere next?

There’s a lot of uncertainty right now.

Hence, their late-night chats, keeping them both up.

Jester changes the subject, only marginally. “What do you think it’s like to be married?” she questions.

Beau shrugs. “Fuck if I know.”

“I mean, Yeza seems really nice. He loves Nott so much. And Nott gets sort of… goofy around him, but in a good way. When Yasha told me about Zuala… the parts that weren’t sad, she smiled more than I’ve ever seen her do before. It must be really nice. To be in love and to decide to pick each other to hang out with all the time, forever.”

“Yeah, probably.”

“It’s super weird though too, right?”

“ _Fucking weird as hell,_ ” Beau agrees. She still can’t quite wrap her head around it. She’s not sure _why_ exactly—she’s known plenty of married people before. Maybe it’s because she didn’t know this information about both of them for so long, and she already formed ideas about Nott and Yasha in her head, and now that picture has shifted in a way that her brain hasn’t caught up to, yet. She says as such, out loud and Jester listens patiently, then nods.

“That’s probably it,” she agrees. Then, her eyes go absolutely _wide,_ like a thought has only just occurred to her. “ _You’re_ not married, are you?”

Beau scoffs. “No. Are you?”

“No,” Jester laughs. “Have you ever been married?”

“No. You?”

“No. I’ve never dated anyone before. Have you?”

Beau thinks of Tori. The cooked grin she always used to toss Beau’s way, once she’d come back with gold and pissed enough people off to get it. The way she’d climb onto Beau’s lap and grind down as she kissed her, rough. Always. There was nothing gentle about Tori, not even when Beau might have wanted her to be. Jester’s looking at her, biting at her lower lip, nervous-like, sort of how she used to look at Fjord. Beau doesn’t quite know what to make of it. “Um, yeah,” she says, honest. “Only once that really stuck for a while, though.”

“What was her name?” Jester asks, but the look on her face sort of gives off the impression that she doesn’t really want to know the answer.

Beau tells her, anyway. Tori’s name fills up the silence in their room, stifling, almost. Beau stares at the blank ceiling and remembers the way her body felt, pressed up against Beau’s and listens to Jester’s breathing and her stomach hurts, hurts, hurts.

“What do you think Zuala looked like?” she asks, desperate for something else to talk about. For Jester to say _something._ “Did Yasha tell you?”

“Not really,” Jester says. “Only that she was beautiful.”

“Oh,” Beau says. “Um—”

“Do you think most of the other people in Alphonso’s study are married? Or dating like us?” Jester asks, cutting her off. Beau’s grateful, she hadn’t known what she was about to say, but she doubts that it would have been anything good.

“You mean faking it?” Beau asks, clarifying. Jester only rolls her eyes and raises her eyebrows, silently telling Beau to get on with answering her question, as if the distinction doesn’t really matter.

(There’s been a lot of that going on lately, too).

“I dunno,” Beau sighs. “I’m sure some of them are married. Then again, maybe this is all total bullshit, and there’s no one else, and he’s gonna pop up one day and murder us all.”

“What!” Jester yelps. “No, that’s not true, Beau.”

“It could be.”

“It’s not.”

“Okay fine. Can we go to sleep now?”

“Not yet,” Jester declares and she crawls out of her bed and walks over to Beau’s, shoving her over. “Can I practice braiding on you again?” she asks.

“Will you go to sleep after?”

“I promise,” Jester says. Beau’s a bit doubtful, but it’s relaxing enough, and she knows that she’ll be able to fall asleep, at least.

“Fine.” She rolls over onto her back and Jester maneuvers herself till she’s sitting on the back of Beau’s thighs. Her fingers make quick work of gently tugging through Beau’s hair, reaching for a brush and carefully, slowly, tugging out the knots. Beau lets her eyes slip closed, humming softly along with the tune Jester starts. It’s something Marion used to sing, Beau knows, she doesn’t know the words, though. Jester’s fingers start pulling the hair into sections, slowly, methodically, tugging one piece over the other, gathering up more of Beau’s hair until she’s got a braid she likes. Beau’s half asleep when she hears Jester tut and carefully undo it and begin all over again.

Beau falls asleep before she lands on a finished product. Jester’s soft hum filling up her ears, the weight of her, on her back, and the feel of her fingers, gently tugging through Beau’s hair.

There’s no stomachache to be found, just a warm, calm feeling, filling Beau up till she’s asleep.

…

…

Jester _Scries_ on the blond dude again and only catches enough information for them to get that this is bad and that they don’t know enough about any of it. Nott and Yeza are getting restless, worried about their son and how long it’s taking Shakäste to get him to Nicodranas. Plus, Caleb is worried about Jester’s mom because of that stupid letter, and everyone is worried about the Bright Queen and Alphonso.

Beau just wants them all to shut up so she can drink her tea in peace. Cad walks over and drops something else into it and Beau almost punches him in reflex but he glares at her. She takes a sip and lets out an ungodly noise.

Jester and Fjord both whip around and stare at her. Beau flicks them both off and goes back to her tea, eyes closed and legs up on the table. She stays like that while they all discuss their options. Only chiming in when she feels necessary. Caleb seems pretty set in his decision to go to the Overcrow Apothecary and spy on this blond dude. To get more information and to do their best to remain on the Bright Queen’s good side.

Beau isn’t so sure.

Darion’s frown slips its way into her skull. Their words, about _not getting attached,_ and _rooting out corruption,_ echo around in Beau’s brain and she looks over at her friends and knows, to her core that she has long since past fucked up the first thing. Caleb says something with conviction and Fjord presses his lips together with a frown and looks over at Beau. He wants her opinion. He values it. They both do.

Nott fusses over Yeza because she can’t fuss over her son right now, but her husband is here and he still loves her and he was a war prisoner. She looks soft and Beau tries to imagine her with a five-year-old. She pictures the way she’d changed herself to look as Veth and tries to imagine Nott, as a mother.

It’s nice. It’s not a look she’s familiar with. She pictures her own mother’s face; sort of like her own around the eyes and mouth, it’s not inviting in the way Nott’s was when she looked at Luc, though. Beau wonders if her mother looks at her little brother that way. Maybe it’s a look that is only reserved for mothers and sons.

Beau shakes her head, realizing that everyone is looking over at her expectantly. “Huh?” she asks.

“What do you think of the plan?” Caleb repeats, patient.

_Root out corruption Beauregard._

“Sounds swell,” she grins and chugs the dregs of her tea.

…

…

The Bright Queen gives them fifteen-thousand gold pieces for their information.

“Holy shit,” Jester breathes.

“Yeah,” Beau says, shooting her a sideways glance. “Guess we don’t need 50 every other week anymore.”

Jester stops walking and Yasha runs into her. She ignores Yasha, who’s already apologizing profusely and whips around to stare at Beau. “What?”

“I mean,” Beau shifts her weight from foot to foot. “Alphonso’s study,” she says, a pit growing in her stomach at the look that’s pulling onto Jester’s face. “I just meant… we don’t need the gold anymore. Not really. We’ve… we’ve got a house now, and plenty from the Bright Queen, is all.”

Everyone else very pointedly keeps walking except for Yasha, who sort of shuffles slowly, moving forward but unwilling to leave the two of them alone, just now. Beau’s all the sudden very glad, and her stomach flips at the deadly look she shoots Beau’s way.

“But…” Jester scrambles. “This… you and Caleb _just said_ that she’s more bloodthirsty than you thought and that we can’t really trust her.”

“Right, but—”

“She could come take away the house and the money whenever she wanted! We should have a backup, just in case,” she turns around. “Don’t you think so Yasha?”

Yasha looks like she wishes very much that she had just run along with the group, at the moment, but she swallows thickly and stares over at Beau, then back at Jester. “It’s… not the worst idea ever,” she says, but she doesn’t sound like she feels particularly confident in her words.

Jester doesn’t give a shit. “There! You see!? Come on, let’s go,” she hollers and runs away from them both, catching up with the group.

Yasha turns her gaze fully onto Beau, now. “This is a bad idea,” she says.

“What… going to the Overcrow? I think it will be fine—”

“Pretending to love Jester.”

Beau chokes on air. “What? I’m — I’m not — what are you — no,” Beau insists. “That’s not what we’re—”

“Jester is…” Yasha closes her eyes and searches for the words. “Naïve,” she finally says. “About love, and relationships. She’s… brilliant and wise and kind and smart as hell,” Yasha adds, quick. “But she doesn’t have a lot of experience with this. At all. And you… I don’t know if her first experience should be fake. That seems sort of cruel and confusing.”

“This was _her_ idea,” Beau says, suddenly a little angry. “I didn’t want to do it in the first place, and I _just said_ that we can stop now.”

“Beauregard—”

“Go talk to her about it if you’re gonna get all up in someone’s business,” Beau snaps and walks away without another word, guilt seeping its way into her bones. Fuck Yasha.

…

…

Beau thinks about all the ways that she and Jester are different, while they walk over to the Overcrow and take their positions. Nott goes invisible and Beau is paying attention, she is, but she can multitask. Sort of.

They don’t parallel each other very much, she decides.

Sure, they both grew up kinda lonely, but Beau didn’t have a mother like Marion, who made her feel loved and cared for. Beau didn’t get creative and kind, she got mean and ruthless. They both know how to lie well, they can read people, pay attention, they’re both smart.

They both like blue.

Beau scoffs. Jester is better than her in every way. Kinder, nicer, smarter, prettier, _better._ She lights up a room. Beau sucks all of the energy out of one.

She ignores the angry fluttering in her gut, it’s useless and unfounded and _stupid._ She’s not going to do anything about it. No one wants her too, anyhow.

Fuck Yasha. Beau readjusts her crouch and pays attention to the moment. Alphonso can go and fuck himself too, the bastard. This is all his fault.

…

…

Their plan goes to shit.

Caleb attacks a dragonborn on Nott’s order and then everything descends into chaos. Nott gets _Charmed_ and starts attacking Yasha and some drow looks over at her with recognition and calls her ‘Orphanmaker’ which is badass and terrifying and if Beau wasn’t pissed at Yasha and they weren’t in the middle of a fight for their lives, Beau would tease her about it, probably.

Beau takes off into the alley after Nott to look for the drow once the heat of the fight has died down, mostly, but there’s no sign of them. When she jogs back, Nott on her heels, Jester’s _Scrying_ on the blond dude again.

“He said to come North,” she says, sounding a little worried. She looks over at Yasha. “He said to bring her.”

Fuck.

…

…

Beau’s trying not to let on to the fact that her gut is on fire.

One of the assholes at the Overcrow got a good swipe in, and she’s starting to breathe a little heavily as they make their way to the Barbed Fields. Caleb notices, though. Beau has been sticking to his side, avoiding both Jester and Yasha since this morning.

“Can we stop for a rest please?” Caleb calls out. “I’m feeling a bit weary.”

“I’m fine,” Beau hisses. “Let’s just keep going.”

“I’m not fine,” Caleb says and plops down to the ground and digs out his water canteen. Beau grits her teeth for a moment before she slowly, slowly maneuvers her way down next to him, panting and trying not to grip at her side. Caleb nods towards Caduceus and waves him over, interpreting correctly that Beau doesn’t want Jester to come heal her, right now. She’s caught up in conversation with Yasha and Nott anyway, talking about rock harps while Fjord digs into their spoils and passes everyone some food.

“I’m fine,” Beau says, once Cad moves his hands towards her. “Save your spells.”

Caduceus frowns at her, but nods. He sits down beside them both and digs into his bag, tugging out his healer’s kit and rummaging through it. He pulls out a small jar of something _foul_ and tugs Beau’s shirt up without preamble. “This will help, at least,” he says and rubs the paste onto her wound. Beau hisses at the first bit of contact but then sighs in relief at the cooling sensation. It still reeks, though.

“Thanks,” she mutters.

Jester looks over at them and looks pained as she stares at Beau’s stomach. She drops her shirt down over the paste and takes the food Fjord hands her, not looking Jester in the eye.

…

…

So, the Barbed Fields fucking suck.

Beau can punch ghosts, at least.

…

…

She almost dies the next day. It’s not the first time, and it probably won’t be the last but when Caduceus comes over and heals her, she sits up and catches Jester’s eye and feels her gaze boring into the back of her skull for the rest of the evening.

“I’m okay,” she whispers, once Caleb has made the hut and they’ve all hunkered down for the night.

“I know,” Jester says. But she sounds like she doesn’t believe it.

…

…

They climb a tree.

Well, Beau _runs up_ the tree, and she stands at the top and grins as Jester lands near her. Fjord looks down at the hole he made using _Thunder Step_ back up after saving her and grimaces.

“Way to insult Cad’s god,” Beau teases, enjoying the view.

“That was really cool, Beau,” Jester says. Beau meets her eye and grins back, feeling lighter.

Course, then a huge ass fucking bird tries to kill them.

Jester grabs hold of Beau and casts _Dimension Door._ They land near the alcove of the tree, with Yasha and Caduceus. Beau’s panting and full of adrenaline and Jester looks over and her and grips her waist tightly when she thinks Beau is gonna run back out into the open. “Don’t,” she orders. Beau doesn’t move. Jester’s still holding onto her when she casts _Polymorph_ on the roc. She lets go for a bit, but once they’ve gotten far out of sight and reached Bazzaxon and gotten rooms for the evening, Jester grabs onto Beau and flops into bed with her.

“Stop getting hurt all the time,” she demands.

“I’m not _trying_ to,” Beau scoffs.

Jester pinches at her skin though, causing Beau to yelp and try to roll away. Jester’s stronger; she holds her in place. “Try harder, okay,” she says, looking more vulnerable than Beau’s seen her in a really long time. “I — really need you to be alive and safe.”

Before Beau can open her mouth and say something stupid and mean, Jester reaches forward and presses their lips together. It’s tentative, hesitant in a way that Jester’s usually not. Nothing like the playful, exaggerated kiss she’d planted on Beau in front of Alphonso. He’s not here. No one is, but them. The study is on pause, right now.

But Jester is still kissing her.

She pulls away and says nothing. Rolls to the other side of the wall and closes her eyes and pretends to be sound asleep. Beau lies there, gaping up at the ceiling and picturing Yasha’s angry face.

“Fuck,” she breathes.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay well this didn’t quite manage to be all the beaujester week things i wanted it to, but alas, as i was writing this chap i realized i was kinda done with it here. I hope you’ve enjoyed this (even as scattered as it was with updating for so long)! 
> 
> (This isn’t as edited as usual, bc i’m On my iPad at work while i update, so if there are errors, apologies, i’ll Go back and edit them later)

Beau doesn’t have time to dwell on Jester kissing her because they go into a fucking cavern full of angels who cry  _ literal blood  _ and get attacked by a bunch of huge spiders. It takes all day to work their way down to the end of the cavern and there’s just blackness on the other end of a torture chamber.

Blackness that whispers and makes you go fucking  _ still _ and think that maybe you’ll die at any moment.

Beau shakes off the feeling and tugs into her clothes and pulls out the dregs of a wineskin she swiped before the monks came and dragged her out of her bedroom—her parents just… sitting in the living room and doing nothing to stop them. Nott has been accusing everyone of taking her flask, and Beau knows they’re going to have to maybe do something about her drinking soon, but now, she just heard the same shit that Beau did, and she has no idea if her son is okay, and she’s a good mom. Better than most Beau has ever met. Sure as hell better than  _ hers. _

Beau tosses her the last of her shitty mom’s family wine and volunteers to take first watch. It has nothing whatsoever to do with the terrified look on Jester’s face as she  _ Scries  _ to Obann and tells him how scary this place is, or the way that Yasha still looks sort of pissed at her, but also terrified of what this place might mean, all in one set of dead eyes.

Beau’s got a stomach ache for the ages. The wine tastes like shit.

…

…

They tie themselves together to try and cross the bridge. There’s a moment, where Beau hears something and just… has to jump down. She doesn’t even know  _ why,  _ she just  _ has  _ to. It’s not till the rope burns into her gut as she’s yanked violently back that she realizes what she was even doing. She gasps, shaky, for a few seconds while she steels herself and keeps on walking, slow and stealthily.  

Jester catches her eye and Beau nods at her, once.

_ I’m okay,  _ she mouths and prays that it is the truth.

When Nott cuts herself off from the rest of them and runs up ahead, the shitty panicked feeling in Beau’s stomach multiplies. It’s stupid—so fucking stupid—but she remembers the moment when she was maybe seven or so, shopping with her mother in the city, and they got separated. Some tall dude walked in between them in a hurry and when Beau shoved her way past her mother was nowhere to be found. She’d just kept on walking—without checking to make sure that Beau was still right there with her.

Beau focuses on the thing fucking yanking her up into the air instead of those panicked few minutes from a million years ago. She claws at the rope; at it, and Fjord and Caleb, still tied to her, and to Caduceus, down on the ground. Then suddenly they all fucking drop back down onto the bridge again—scrambling for purchase so they don’t fall over the edge.

Beau whips around and sees Jester, panting with her arms up. “I banished it,” she breathes. “I didn’t know if it would work.”

Before Beau can tell her how amazing and badass she is, Nott fucking goes and  _ jumps off of the bridge. _

Beau’s heart fucking  _ drops.  _ She’s about to run after Nott—to do  _ what,  _ she doesn’t know, she’ll think of something—but Jester beats her to it, she was closer.

Jester jumps too.

Beau screams. Strong arms suddenly reach out and grab her around the middle before she can scramble after them. Beau fights against Yasha’s grip for half a second, panicked and gasping and then Jester and Nott appear again on the end of the bridge. “Come on!” Jester yells. “Just run! Get off of it!”

Yasha’s hands slip down to grab onto Beau’s hand instead, one arm still sort of half around her middle, and she half drags Beau as they shoot a single glance behind them to Fjord, Caleb, and Caduceus, and then they sprint after their friends off of the cursed bridge.

All they do is wind up in an empty chamber full of mirrors.

“Oh, fuck this,” Beau sighs.

…

…

Obann isn’t a drow.

It’s not an important thing to focus on, not while he’s calling Yasha  _ Orphanmaker  _ and looking at her in a way that makes Beau’s skin crawl with something she doesn’t know how to name. Not while he’s pulling out a book and chanting some old, old, old spell. Not while  _ none of their shit is working  _ to try and stop him as he flies above them and chants down at a fucking tomb. Not while the tomb breaks open and a huge fucking… thing comes out of it. Not when every time they get a swipe in at the monster—The Crawling King, one assumes—it  _ grows more mouths.  _ Not when it laughs in a way that sends shivers down Beau’s spine. Not while Fjord is dying, bleeding out as the doors close. Not while Yasha—

Beau runs after Fjord and uses the very fucking  _ last  _ of her strength to haul him back towards their friends. She’s not losing them both in one go, no fucking way. 

Jester and Nott call out to Yasha. Jester tries to use her new whip to tug her along with them. If they can just  _ get her to come  _ then they can figure out a way to stop whatever spell Obann put on her.

If it’s a spell.

Obann isn’t a drow. He’s a fiend and he’s not dead. Not really.

It’s not important.

…

…

Beau can still feel Yasha’s hand in hers. 

It’s stupid. She  _ can’t,  _ not really, but there’s this strange phantom idea prickling there. She listens as they hunker down in the inn and waits for rain. She waits for the skies to open up and the Stormlord to regain down lighting, thunder, wind, to fucking  _ rage  _ until Yasha is back with them safe and sound. 

She  _thinks_ that  she hears rain, but she never really does. She sleeps like shit and wakes up feeling groggy and awful the next morning. 

Jester looks the same. They all do. Fjord is  _ pissed  _ and Nott is pragmatic and Caduceus is absolutely panicked and sure that they should be shouting to the rooftops that danger is imminent. Beau’s not so sure. 

(They  _ should  _ tell people, she’s just not… the way that the Bright Queen tells them to keep it to themselves until they speak to her has Beau worried. Not to the levels that Fjord is anxious, but she’s not that far off, just hiding it better). 

“Hey,” Jester says, poking Beau’s stomach. (It still aches, but now… she’s pretty sure that she knows exactly why). “What do you think?”

“About?”

Jester sighs and rolls her eyes. “All of it,” she says, tired. 

“No fucking clue,” Beau answers honestly. 

“Me neither,” Jester admits. “I — I asked The Traveler but — I don’t know…” she trails off. “I was thinking about… if it hadn’t been Yasha. If, I mean, I had some nightmares last night.”

“Yeah?” Beau wishes that she’d woken up. She was barely asleep anyway, at least they could have been miserable and tired together. 

“I kept seeing Fjord go bad. Or Nott. Or Caduceus, or… you.”

“Not Caleb?” Beau asks, only halfway teasing. If she’d had to put her money on one of them turning on each other, as much as she loves the guy, he’d have been her first pick. Not Yasha. 

Jester shrugs. “Him too, probably. I remember you and Fjord the most.”

“What’d we do?”

“Hurt me,” Jester says, so quietly Beau almost doesn’t hear. 

“I wouldn’t,” Beau says, immediately. Desperate. “I’d  _ never, _ ” she swears. “Not to you, Jes. Never.”

Jester isn’t looking at her. She’s fiddling with the edges of her dress, staring down at the dirt. The enormity of what’s been done to them stretches and fills up the air between them. Suddenly, Beau’s stomach ache seems so fucking  _ stupid.  _

“Yasha was sort of pissed at me,” she says. “Before we went into the cavern.” Jester whips up at looks at her now, confusion all over her face. 

“What? Why?”

“Because of you,” Beau says. Terrified. Her blood feels too hot, all the sudden and she feels like if she doesn’t lie down she’ll pass out or something equally embarrassing. Beau quickly sits, resting her head back against the outside of the building. Taking in slow breaths and focusing on the way the breeze hits her, the way the air is calm and cool and the fact that she’s alive. 

They’re all still  _ alive  _ and that matters so much right now. 

“Because of  _ me? _ ” Jester exclaims. “What are you talking about?”

It’s now or never, probably. Beau’s already said it, once. It shouldn’t be this scary to say it again, but there’s a different meaning to it now. On the boat, sure, things were getting World Ending Kinda Scary with U’katoa, but Beau didn’t feel like this, like one of them could just disappear and die at any moment. She should have, probably, Molly already did. 

_ Fuck.  _

“Cause of the study, cause of… me being an asshole and maybe not good enough for you to have a fake relationship with. I guess.”

Jester looks so furious so quickly that Beau almost gets whiplash. It’s glorious and terrifying and Beau still feels dizzy but she tries to reach over and grab her before she explodes. 

“WHAT?” Jester hollers. “That’s — she —  _ FUCK HER,”  _ Jester screams. 

Beau gapes. “Wait… that’s not quite—”

“I’ll kill her,” Jester says, so quiet and deadly that Beau believes her. “You are  _ so  _ worthy Beau.”

“Hang on—”

“How dare she say that—”

“HANG ON,” Beau yells, grabbing at Jester and forcing her to sit down. To sit  _ still,  _ because Beau is still all swimmy and she doesn’t really trust herself to stand up, not when she’s getting hot and about to say everything that’s been bottling up inside of her for weeks and weeks now. “That’s not quite what I meant. Don’t get madder at Yasha,” she says, because now she feels fucking terrible. “She was protecting  _ you.  _ She was saying  _ you  _ were amazing and wonderful and deserved to have someone who loved you back. She wasn’t mad at me like, like I was shit, or anything. She just meant —  she didn’t want you to get hurt. She didn’t want me to be an asshole to you.”

“You have  _ never  _ been an asshole to me, Beau,” Jester says, fierce. 

“She just wanted to make sure it stayed that way. Things have been… a little complicated since Alphonso showed up. She just—”

“Complicated how?” Jester asks, half-innocent, half  _ absolutely fucking prodding  _ and well aware of it. Somehow, noticing that, Beau’s less dizzy. Less panicked. 

She grins. Jester grins back, almost suave and Beau loses her shit and is back to panicked again like  _ that.  _ Gods, this week has been hell on her emotions. 

Beau sucks in a deep breath. She doesn’t think about Yasha’s dead eyes and Obann’s sickly smile. She remembers Yasha’s hand clasped in hers, holding her safe and steady, grinning at Jester in awe, sitting beside Caduceus and sipping tea, laughing and teasing Nott. Worrying about Fjord, trusting Caleb and all of them with all of the painful things that she remembered of her past. 

Telling her, without telling her, to be brave and admit what she wants. What she’s  _ allowed  _ to want. 

Beau remembers  _ that  _ Yasha, the one who couldn’t possibly be fake. The one that  _ is  _ part of her, somehow, no matter what she is right now. Beau holds onto that gentle and steady presence and sucks in a breath and looks Jester right in the eye. 

“Complicated because we’re pretending to be in love to get money, but it’s possible that I am sort of actually a little bit in love with you.” 

Jester’s eyes go fucking  _ wide.  _

“I… am,” Beau says. Because if she’s going to blow this all up she might as well go big or go home. Fuck. She doesn’t know what Fjord is gonna say. She doesn’t know if Jester is going to hate her now or if they’ll want her to leave or if things are going to be weird forever, but—

“You… love me?” Jester says, awed. 

“Um,” Beau swallows. “Yeah. A lot.” Jester is just staring at her and Beau is getting hot in that shitty, panicked way again. “But, it’s okay if you don’t love me back like that,” she says, quickly. “It’s totally fine. I just… we almost die a lot and I just thought… I thought I should be honest. I don’t really want to pretend anymore. It’s kind of hard and uncomfortable, for me. Because, I kind of want it to be real? So, I think we should tell Alphonso that we’re sort of too busy to finish his study — or —”

Jester slams her body into Beau’s and starts kissing her for all she’s worth, and Beau shuts the fuck up. 

It takes them both a minute or so to pull away and when they do, Jester just clutches her and grins. “I don’t think that we should stop the study,” she says. “I think that we should get as much money from him as we can, now that we’re  _ actually  _ in love.”

“Wait—” Beau says, “what?”

“I love you too, Beau,” Jester says. “Obviously.” 

“Jester—” Beau pushes her away, gently. “What about Fjord? What about—”

“I thought I would love Fjord,” Jester admits. “And I do!” she quickly adds. “I love all of our friends! But, I don’t love Fjord the way I thought I would when I met him,” she looks down at Beau and grins. “People surprise you.”

“Jester—”

“We’re gonna make SO MUCH MONEY Beau!” Jester hollers. “We’re in love and we don’t have to pretend and Alphonso has to use us to help other people be in love and we’re gonna get Yasha back and we’re gonna save the world and I think that we should go get cupcakes.”

“Um,” Beau blinks, trying to take in everything Jester has just said in a single breath. “Cupcakes, definitely.”

Jester bends forward and kisses Beau on the lips, easy, casual, like they’ve been doing it for ages. Beau’s whole body goes on fire in the  _ best way.  _ “Cupcakes, then save the world and be in love the whole time.”

“Sounds like a goddamn plan,” Beau grins, and kisses Jester till their friends walk in and find them, laughing. For a second or two, Beau believes that everything is going to be okay. Caduceus stops panicking about the end of the world, if only for a minute, to smile at them. Nott rolls her eyes, but Beau can see a grin creeping onto the corners of her lips. Caleb actually laughs, bright and loud and full of joy at the sight of them, and it tugs at something in her gut that Beau didn’t know was tense. Fjord grins, looks awkward and embarrassed at what they walked in on, but he smiles at them both. When they head out to go back to The Bright Queen, he claps a hand onto her back and squeezes, once. 

Beau decides that she’s going to swindle every copper out of that old elf that she can manage and when they do get Yasha back, if they do, she is going to make Yasha take it and buy them all the biggest fucking feast they can stuff themselves with. 

Along with pastries for Jester, of course. 

 


End file.
